


Though the Return Does Not Correct

by latecamellia (caramarie)



Series: To Go and Come Back [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Parallel Universes, doppelgangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramarie/pseuds/latecamellia
Summary: In one world, everyone but Wooyoung has died – so maybe he’d rather live in another world for a bit.All Yeosang knows is that Wooyoung has changed.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang
Series: To Go and Come Back [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2082984
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Though the Return Does Not Correct

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the end of the Hala Hala choreo, where Wooyoung is the only one left standing. Although after that it’s really just me and my obsession with parallel versions of people.
> 
> Note that it’s only ‘choose not to warn’ because I feel weird about saying ‘major character death’ if no-one dies in it, but it is predicated on people having died ...

### 0

The trouble with everyone else sacrificing themselves for your victory is that in the end it doesn’t feel like a victory. All it is is that you are left standing when your enemies are dead, and when your friends are dead, and you don’t know whose blood it is on your hands.

Wooyoung can’t live in the world after that. He doesn’t see a way to live in the world.

So he goes to another world, and he makes a deal.

### I

After they graduated, Wooyoung changed.

There was no one single giveaway, just a collection of small things that struck Yeosang oddly. Like when Yeosang came to collect him before their trip, and Wooyoung was looking through his old schoolbooks like he’d never seen them before.

‘Did I really care about this stuff?’ he asked, when Yeosang came in.

‘You think now we’re out in the real world, none of it’s relevant?’ Yeosang asked.

‘Something like that.’

It was an odd question, because it wasn’t as if Wooyoung ever had cared about his schoolwork that much. It was one of the things Yeosang had found refreshing about him. But maybe that was only relative to Yeosang after all.

Wooyoung was more reckless than usual too – he would insist on climbing things or taking shortcuts that didn’t, to Yeosang, seem entirely advisable. It was as if he’d stopped caring about his own safety. And he _ought_ to have cared. Yeosang certainly cared.

Mostly, he got away with scrapes, but there was one morning where it was just the two of them, and Wooyoung tumbled on the bank. And Yeosang scrambled down after him with his heart thudding, only to find Wooyoung sitting calmly in the dirt, popping his shoulder back into the joint.

Maybe Yeosang was gawping; Wooyoung gave him a funny look and said, ‘It’s not that bad. You don’t need to look so grossed out.’

He stood up and brushed himself off, while Yeosang’s mind was still catching up with things.

‘Come on,’ he said, and looked back at the bank appraisingly; then he was climbing back up.

Somehow, it was the coolest thing Yeosang had ever seen.

In contrast to his recklessness, though, Wooyoung was clingier than usual. If he hugged Yeosang, he would hold onto him for slightly too long; if he touched his arm, his hand would linger. 

Yeosang tried to tell himself he was imagining it, that Wooyoung was behaving perfectly normally and it was just him who was overinterpreting it. Because he was scared of things being different, now that high school was over and they wouldn’t be in each other’s pockets all the time.

Or maybe he wasn’t wrong, and Wooyoung felt that way too. Maybe that was why he was so reluctant to let go. It seemed a reasonable explanation, and Yeosang asked him, one evening, if he was worried about the future.

‘That’s future-me’s problem,’ Wooyoung said. It didn’t sound like he was joking. He reached out to take Yeosang’s hand in his and said, ‘Let’s just enjoy the moment.’

This time, Yeosang didn’t want Wooyoung to let go of his hand. But he still, always, did.

* * *

On the last night of their trip, Wooyoung drank too much and kept insisting how much he loved them all. Everyone except Yeosang rolled their eyes; Yeosang couldn’t help the feeling that Wooyoung was about to disappear in front of him.

Even if this moment passed and was gone, their youths passed and were gone, their friendship would remain – that was what Yeosang wanted to believe. But maybe Wooyoung didn’t believe it.

Yeosang helped put Wooyoung to bed that night, except that when he tried to leave him there, Wooyoung grabbed hold of him and wouldn’t let go. Yeosang had to climb in beside him.

‘You know, don’t you?’ Wooyoung said, when Yeosang was lying down. ‘I said I wouldn’t say anything, but …’

‘But what?’ Yeosang shifted so that he was facing Wooyoung. ‘Said to who?’ 

Wooyoung reached for his hand, and took it, his fingers wrapped around Yeosang’s.

‘I don’t want to go back,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to go back to a world without you all.’

‘We’re not going anywhere,’ Yeosang said. ‘We’ll still see each other.’

‘Yeah,’ Wooyoung said, ‘ _you_ will.’

‘Wooyoung.’ Yeosang clasped his hand back. ‘You’re not thinking something stupid, are you?’

‘The stupid thing’s already done,’ Wooyoung said. ‘I thought it would make the rest easier but it won’t.’

Yeosang was afraid, then. ‘Why don’t you tell me?’ he said.

‘I said too much,’ Wooyoung said. He let go of Yeosang’s hand, but found his face with his fingers, tracing the line of his cheekbones, brushing his hair behind the curve of his ear.

‘When you see me later,’ he said, ‘don’t let’s talk about this.’

And he leaned in, and he found Yeosang’s mouth with his, and he kissed him. He still tasted like alcohol, and maybe Yeosang should have pushed him away – or at least demanded to know why Wooyoung would suggest they do this if they could never talk about it – except that Yeosang had been drinking too, and he liked Wooyoung very much. He never could have turned Wooyoung down even if he weren’t so worried about him.

So Yeosang kissed him back, until it was more than kissing, and Yeosang went along with that too.

* * *

When he woke up in the morning, Wooyoung was getting ready to leave.

‘You’re up,’ Wooyoung said. ‘It’s already nine thirty – we have be out of here soon.’

‘Why didn’t you wake me?’ Yeosang said.

‘You looked so peaceful, I couldn’t bring myself to.’

_Liar_ , Yeosang thought; he just didn’t want to give them time to talk about things.

Yeosang wanted to say something starting with _last night_ ; he wanted to crawl over and grab Wooyoung and swear that he was never going to leave him, so whatever Wooyoung was thinking he should just stop it.

‘Don’t look at me like that,’ Wooyoung said. He looked away and muttered, ‘You’ll make me change my mind.’

‘I want you to change your mind,’ Yeosang said. Wooyoung looked back at him with an expression Yeosang didn’t understand.

‘You wouldn’t if you knew,’ he said.

‘It can’t be that bad if you just _tell_ me.’

‘And make everyone late?’ Wooyoung said. ‘Get up already.’

He was putting Yeosang off. Maybe Yeosang should have pushed harder; he didn’t know he was running out of time.

* * *

After that, Yeosang drafted a hundred messages that he never sent. Maybe he was right not to, because when he next met up with Wooyoung, Wooyoung had changed again.

This time it was obvious to Yeosang right away.

‘How was your first day of classes?’ Wooyoung asked him, as if there was nothing more important to discuss between them. When he touched Yeosang, it was absolutely for the most normal length of time possible; Yeosang was the one who wanted to hold on.

_When you see me later, don’t let’s talk about this._

It didn’t feel like Wooyoung was pretending nothing had happened. It felt like, genuinely, nothing had. Was _nothing_ all it had meant? Maybe it was.

Yeosang talked about his classes, and let the questions he wanted to ask die in his throat.

* * *

Soon after that, Yeosang got a letter. That was strange enough even before he recognised Wooyoung’s handwriting; then the letter felt like a curse.

Yeosang tore open the envelope, a dread weight in his chest. But the letter wasn’t what he expected.

> Yeosang,
> 
> You must be confused right now and I’m sorry. I want you to know, first off, that I’m not pretending nothing happened. The Wooyoung who’s there with you now doesn’t know about it, that’s all. I’m making you start from scratch, and I’m sorry.
> 
> It’s hard to write this. I wasn’t going to say anything, but then I didn’t expect things to turn out like they did. I should have left you all out of this, I know.
> 
> You might not believe this next part. I hope you will – I don’t want you to think I’m making it up as some sort of excuse for never talking about things. That would be messed up, wouldn’t it? You’d have to hate me then, and while you probably should hate me, you shouldn’t hate him.
> 
> The Wooyoung who’s with you now was just doing me a favour. It’s not his fault I couldn’t help myself to myself. Although I think he would have done the same thing in these circumstances (haha).
> 
> Okay. So here’s the explanation. There’s not just one world, there’s many worlds. You know this idea, right? My version of the world is pretty messed up. Maybe you don’t think so, but you live in a paradise, you know? I wish I could have been the Wooyoung who lived in your world, but I never can be. All I could do was pretend for a little while. I swear that’s all I wanted.
> 
> In my version of the world, you’re dead.
> 
> We tried to save the world and we didn’t do a very good job of it. So you’re dead, the others are dead, and the only one left is me and I may as well be dead. It would be easier if I had died too. But the rest of you left me alone, to live, and I guess I have to do that.
> 
> But I hate it.
> 
> I thought it would be easier, knowing there were other worlds out there where this never happened and that you guys are alright there – that at least we protected all the other worlds even if we did a shitty job with this one.
> 
> I’m sorry. This letter isn’t what it was meant to be. Maybe I should rewrite it? But I have to go back soon or I really will change my mind. I just want to say I’m sorry. Over and over again. You’re living in the best world and I just wanted to try living there too. Even knowing I would have to go back. Even knowing I’d have to leave you.
> 
> You can talk to him about some of this. Maybe you won’t want to.
> 
> I’m sorry, and I love you. I’m glad I got to see you again, even if it’s a different you from the one I knew.
> 
> Yours,  
>  Wooyoung

Yeosang kept the letter with him. The next time he saw Wooyoung, he tried to imagine this Wooyoung writing him that letter, and he couldn’t. And if he _had_ written it, he’d want to check up on it, surely? But he never said anything.

So that meant that maybe Yeosang believed it.

But if he believed it, he didn’t know how he could be expected to leave things like this.

* * *

They were on an evening walk when Yeosang finally asked him.

‘Hey Wooyoung,’ he said, ‘over the break, when you went away, where did you go?’

‘What? You were there. You know where we went.’

‘I know where I went,’ Yeosang said. ‘I don’t think you were with me.’

Wooyoung turned to stare at him. Maybe he’d break into laughter now, say, _what, you believed all that?_ But after a long moment of silence, he asked, ‘How long have you known?’ 

‘He left me a letter,’ Yeosang said, ‘after it was too late to stop him.’

Something flickered in Wooyoung’s eyes. ‘Would you have stopped him?’

‘Not –’ Not at the expense of _this_ Wooyoung, of course not. ‘Is there some reason you couldn’t both stay?’

That thing in Wooyoung’s expression was hurt, he thought.

‘Yeah, the harmony of the multiverse,’ Wooyoung said. ‘I don’t know. How would that work, anyway? It’s not what he asked for.’

‘So you were … in another world?’

Wooyoung nodded.

‘How did you –’

‘I’m not telling you that!’ Wooyoung said. ‘He said none of you would ever know. That’s what he _promised._ ’

Yeosang put a hand on Wooyoung’s arm. Wooyoung looked at it, at him.

‘I’d come back,’ Yeosang said. He hadn’t even known he was considering it, till then.

‘Is that you making a promise now?’

‘If you want me to.’ Yeosang took Wooyoung’s hand, and he squeezed it.

Wooyoung looked then like he already thought he was making a mistake. But he told him.

‘He said it was for if things ever went wrong in this world and we needed help,’ Wooyoung said, when he was done with the explanation. ‘He didn’t mean for _this_.’

Yeosang considered that. ‘What was it like, over there?’

‘What was it like? Lonely, I guess.’ Wooyoung said it, and then he scowled at Yeosang, seeing his implication. ‘Don’t think I’ll support this, Kang Yeosang.’

‘He’d probably say the same thing,’ Yeosang said. ‘I’m still doing it.’

* * *

He waited for the summer break before he tried it – he didn’t intend to throw away his whole life, after all. And if he went over the holidays, Wooyoung could cover for him.

Wooyoung wasn’t happy about it. It was a kind of betrayal, Yeosang supposed. A preference Yeosang had never meant to express. Did Wooyoung know what had happened between them? Of course not. It never would have occurred to him to think of Yeosang that way.

Wooyoung accompanied him through the ritual as well. ‘You need me there to end up in the right place,’ he said. ‘Or in case something goes wrong.’

He looked annoyed when Yeosang thanked him. But he could have left Yeosang to do it alone, after all. Yeosang didn’t know where he would have ended up then – wherever his ashes were, he supposed, if he was dead. He didn’t know how he would have found the other Wooyoung then. So Yeosang was grateful for that, but he was also grateful just for the company. It wasn’t as if he’d ever tried to do something like this before. It wasn’t like he’d known it was possible.

With Wooyoung’s help, he brought the other world up in the mirror. But he went through alone.

Behind him, the mirror shattered.

* * *

Going through was like falling through glass – when Yeosang landed, he found himself checking for injuries automatically. He felt like the glass ought to have shredded him, but he was whole.

When he looked up, Wooyoung – the other Wooyoung – had got to his feet in shock.

‘What are you doing?’ he said. ‘You shouldn’t be here.’

Yeosang stood up, but he felt dizzy – Wooyoung caught him before he could fall, his hands on Yeosang’s arms.

‘Yeosang. What are you doing here?’

He _looked_ just the same as the Wooyoung Yeosang had left behind. Except for the clothes. And the lack of hair product. Really, they didn’t look anything alike.

‘I came to see you,’ Yeosang said. ‘I can’t believe you told me all that in a _letter_.’ Staying upright was hard; he found himself grabbing hold of Wooyoung in turn.

‘It was a goodbye letter,’ Wooyoung said. ‘It wasn’t an invitation.’

‘Too bad,’ Yeosang said. ‘I’m here now.’

‘I could send you back.’

‘You won’t,’ Yeosang said. ‘I’ve got till the end of the holidays.’ He looked into Wooyoung’s eyes as he said, ‘Don’t send me back.’

Wooyoung just stared at him in shock. But then he grabbed Yeosang around the shoulders and he hugged him. He hugged him for far too long, with his face turned into Yeosang’s neck. Until it was Yeosang holding him up and not the other way around.

But Yeosang would hold him as long as he needed.

### II

When Yeosang came back at the end of summer, he’d changed. A part of him was still in the other world, Wooyoung thought; a part of him always would be. 

It was a strange thing, to be jealous of yourself. But maybe because Wooyoung had stayed two weeks in that lonely world, he couldn’t begrudge his other self Yeosang’s presence, nor his affection. Not really.

Yeosang had come back, after all. He’d still come home.

One day, Wooyoung thought, he might stop. But he hadn’t changed that far yet.

And if he could, Wooyoung would change to keep him.


End file.
